Eating it

Maurice Sendak (Where the Wild Things Are) once told a story about a young fan. The fan had written to say how much he loved his book and Sendak responded with a little personalised drawing and message for the boy. His Mother wrote back to thank him, but to say her son was so thrilled with the gift, he ate it. 

Sendak really loved this response, that you would love something so much you simply had to consume it. While I've never eaten an artwork, I do kinda understand this urge. To adore with so much ferocity that you want to somehow incorporate what you love as part of you.

Being a fully fledged enthusiast I thought I'd write down the things I've felt this way about lately (in other words; things I really, really like).

Laura Marling. Urgh. I will love her forever. I think she may be writing the soundtrack to my heart. Everything she does is perfect. Every lyric, every chord. And I'm seeing her live next week, possibly hanging backstage. It's almost too much.

Walks at night while playing loud music in my headphones. Possibly this is unsafe, but I'm not stopping. Stomping along in my own world, darkness and bright lights and cool air and my own thoughts is fabulous. It's a space to be dreamy or feel all the darker spectrum of emotions in privacy and seclusion. And then walk it off.

Spontaneity. Spontaneous nights out. Spontaneous chats with excellent strangers, spontaneous dances on bars, spontaneously changing plans, changing course, booking tickets, catching up and not every surprise being a bad one. Tina Fey once said to say yes to everything and figure the rest out later. I'm following that rule and it's brought a lot more fun than some of my careful plans.

While Miss Marling needed a special mention of her own, there is a lot of really great music that fills me up with joy. This week the list has included: Peer Gynt; the Alabama Shakes, Girls and Boys; The Heavy, the Grateful Dead; the musical Sunday in the Park with George, Alberto Ginastera, Sidney Bechet and Aretha Franklin.

Send sleep and exercise

I seem to have developed a darling little facial spasm in the manner of a lunatic just barely restraining themselves from going on a killing spree this morning. It matches the shadows under my eyes and the stricken expression I get when worn down.

I complained bitterly last week that not enough was happening for my liking and the universe immediately provided with an over abundance of activities. Unfortunately the days only have 24 hours in them so eating, exercise and sleep have been brutally cut back to make room for all the things that needed to be done. After nearly a week of this, my little facial twitch (just under my right eye) is politely suggesting I eat a proper meal, go for a run and sleep for longer than 5 hours. 

As ever in this life, achieving balance is the hardest thing. Finding the perfect combination of brilliant nights out, cultural activities, my darling friends and family, my demanding and rewarding job and the more hum-drum concerns of foraging for food, sleeping and exercise and sorting the giant pile of papers I've been avoiding is tricky but rewards itself with more energy and focus, and hopefully the absence of alarming facial twitches.

What (not) to say

This lovely, shiny new blog stretches out before me, all pristine and full of possibility and I'm wondering what to write about on it. I don't want to wreck it.

I wrecked my last blog. I gabbled on about my happiness, my certainties and milestones, blithely unaware that all of that would be gone within a year. I was left with a decidedly awkward blog/tombstone of a life that no longer existed so after some fretting and shedding some tears, I unpublished the wretched thing. Heartbreaking, but necessary.

So how much do I want to say here? Shall I try to project the woman I'd like to be or show you backstage to the woman I actually am?

2013 has been the year of starting again from scratch. Deciding what parts of old Amy to keep and what to chuck is a part of my daily thought processes so despite my very sincere desire to try to impress you, this will be a work of non-fiction.

So here I am. In the later part of my 20's, single, perhaps overly talkative, enthusiastic, well-intentioned and with more energy than I know what to do with, trying my best to be the best version of myself possible.

I'm still getting the hang of being alone after spending the entirety of my adult life in a pretty passionate relationship; I'm learning the ropes in a new industry I adore and I'm soaking up every morsel of knowledge I can; I am fitter and healthier than I've been in a decade and determined not to let my liking for sugar and a nice lie down get the better of me again; now I'm generally just saying yes to everything and figuring it out as I go.

I think that's what I'll write about here.

Hello

My new blog starts today.

My name is Amy. I have too much to say so I'll put some of it here. Some of it may be personal. I suspect most of it will be inane. All of it will be heartfelt.